The Uncanny Valley

Notes on art, culture and preservation

Oh, I built that. (You didn’t.)

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You could say I’m a rugged individualist. Everything I have accomplished in my life, I accomplished using my own, individual initiative, without the help of any regulatory nannies, nabobs or nincompoops.

When I was five, I invented a flaming twig projector coated in elk urine to fend off bobcats and terrorists. I educated myself about the ways of the world, paid my way through business school thanks to leprechauns I took hostage.

To get there I commuted across toll-free dirt roads and swamps riding my moto-kite fueled by pigeon droppings and gingko seeds. Today, I ride it to the headquarters of my cannibalism-prevention startup. We’re located in a five-sided hut that I constructed out of slabs and stones that came into existence solely for my use. We connect with clients through our voodoo-powered transmission server; it’s impossible for any competitors to hack it. And against all odds, my startup continues to rake in the ROI despite my employees’ utter lack of defense against hungry clients, wages paid in berries and the common cold.

I’ve done it all and always will. Frankly, I don’t need anyone telling me otherwise, or I’ll gladly collectivize them a new pair of faux-nads.

Please, share this or repost it if you feel you’ve earned everything in life — and remember, I didn’t give you these words to pass off as your own, you wrote them all yourself.

Written by cwmote

July 18, 2012 at 1:02 pm

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